A New Start

Hello, today I feel like I have changed a lot, just in one day. I’ve been thinking recently about my life. I used to feel so lonely. I still am I don’t have many friends. But I realised that maybe life is not so bad. It does not matter that I don’t have many friends. At least I am different, I am not a stereotype like many other teenager. I feel proud to be different. I does not matter if I can not relate to people my own age. I used to strive for peoples acceptance, used to cry my heart out cause I felt like an outside. Now I feel as though I don’t care anymore what people say about me. I no longer care if people push me down, because I will rise above it.

      I feel I am becoming stronger starting to know myself more. I’ve learnt today that fate is not set in stone, I may be a bit of a nobody now but I am determined to become braver! I know I have potential; I just need to try to be happier and not so shy.  I don’t really need anyone as long as I have my sister. I don’t need lots of friends. I now realise what is really important! It’s sort of cool being an outside you feel you walk a path alone. I am trying to be happier.

When I think of the past and I used to cry almost everyday, I felt ugly I thought everyone hated me. Ive had a few friends in the past that betrayed me and left me for popularity! At least now I don’t have many friends I will not get hurt. All I have ever wanted in life was to have friends. But now I realise I already did! I had my sister, and I have one close friend who is like another sister to me. Yes I might not be doing so well at college, but I know I can improve my grades. And people bulling me has sort of stopped now, because I sorted it out at college. I wish I had sorted it out earlier, but I was too scared. .I hope I will not get bullied anymore.

 Now I think I want to focus on college work. I want to try my best to get good grade. Just because I’m Dyslexic does not mean I can’t do well.

Today I went to the park with my sister to do some Art work. This was the time when realised all of this. My life is not pointless, I do have a life worth living for and I should be grateful. Me and my twin sister walked around the park and went on the swings. It was rather childish but it was nice, it reminded us of our childhood. Not the bad times but the good times we had. Luckily not all my childhood was bad apart from the arguments at home, it was alright. We had a really good day. It made me think about life is short I need to make the most of it. I don’t want to cry all the time anymore, I don’t want to feel useless; I don’t want to feel as though I am nothing anymore!  I always look sad at college I don’t want people to remember me for looking sad, if people knew why I look sad then maybe they would understand. But I want people to remember me for being happy.

      So this is a new start to be honest I’ve always thought I would be upset, I never thought my life was worth living.  My sister has opened my eyes, shown me that life is worth living. I’m still suffering from Anxiety and stress; I find it very hard going anywhere without feeling nervous. Sometimes having panic attacks. But I am a lot better from what I used to be. I just try to stay away from crowds.

  

To think a few years ago I felt so lost, I had so many problems people did not know about, (which I will not say, because my friends who read my blog might worry about me.) Let’s just say A LOT of bad stuff has happened. But now I feel positive and ready for a new start! I’m going to peruse my Music career. And I will never give up on it! I am more determined than ever to write songs and sing! If I ever do make it, any money I make I would not really need so I’m going to pay the world back and give it to charity. I don’t care about the money I just want to sing! Wish me luck for the future!   :)

Searching For My Reality.

 I’ve always felt like an outsider. I am not like other teenagers; I just think I can’t relate to them. It would be nice to know if anyone out there feels the same? I can’t understand what they say. It’s like they are speaking another language. 

I do talk to people my age, but sometimes I feel some teenagers now days are just trying to be stereotypes. I do feel like an outcast. I think if people just talked to me they would understand me. I am very shy so this might be why people do not talk to me much.

Being a teenager is hard I feel almost stuck between adult and being a child. I am a teenager but I act more childish than I should do for my age. I do not really look my age everyone tells me look really young for my age. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. But it is hard, every time I go into cinema they always ask me for my age, and I have to explain to them “I’m sorry I can’t help it if I look like a little kid!”

I’m doing A levels at the moment at college. I will not lie they are extremely difficult!  I am not exactly the cleverest person. College is hard; it’s hard trying to make friends. Get good grades. Everything! Strange but my favourite part of college is getting there. I walk everyday to college with my sister.  We live quite far away from college so it does take a long time to walk there. But it give us time to talk about whatever is on our minds, like our favourite films, books, music.

   I don’t want to bore you with things about my life as I am sure your life is more interesting than mine. I suffer from dyslexia (a learning difficulty) and anyone who else who does will know trying to get a good education can be tricky. Does anyone else here also have or knows someone with dyslexia? Luckily I have a kind and clever twin sister to help me. Does anyone here have a twin?  Being a twin is one of the best things in the world!

I’ve been thinking today, life is so hard. I’ve had quite a hard life. Which I will not really talk about as there is too much to explain. I will admit. Sometimes through the pain you start to wonder why I am here. There is not point in being around if no on cares. Through the years of extreme bulling I had as a child I wanted to give up.  People made me feel ugly and ashamed of myself, made me feel as though I was worth nothing. I don’t understand why some people are so cruel?

      If you have been bullied my advice would be…

Even though people tell you, you are a nobody.  If some people laughed at you, do not let them break you down! Do not let other people stop your dreams. Just because you are bullied does not mean you can’t prove people wrong.  Just because some people laugh at you, it does not mean you are any less human than others. Every time someone laughs at you or when someone gives me a cruel look. Let it make you stronger more determined to show them you are just as good as them. Everyone is equal.

I will not lie trying to be happy when you are being bullied is not easy. And no cheesy speeches are really going to make you feel much better.  The truth is people can help you. But really you can only really help yourself. You have to think of what is your best qualities are like talents or best personality traits.

Write a list of all the things you are good at. Then you have to start believing in yourself. Yes it sounds cliché but it really does help.

Best of luck to anyone who is going through a similar situation!

Please comment with your ideas and Opinions.

What is our fate?

Today have been in a very strange mood. Does anyone ever wonder why they are here? What is there purpose in life? I'm sure we all have a role to play. I wonder if we can shape are own future or does it shape us?
Today I tired to think what was the point of my existence. Funny but I could not think what it was.
I think mine might be just to live. It may not be anything speical. but it is a reason none the less!
Maybe some of us are not meant to become more than what we are, we need to have boundaries.
Or do you think people can change? Is there a chance that anyone could live the life they want and become more than they thought they could be? Could someone who was unknown to others, a outcast rise above their loneliness to become someone people respect?
What do you think, and What do you think your fate is?  :) (I know I'ts a hard question. But would be intresting to see what peoples ideas are.)

Just a little thought I had about music today.

It's so funny how songs can realte to our own lives. It's beautiful to think how a song, or a single lyric can inspire us, make us cry, comforts us, or remind us of a forgotten memory.
 Maybe we all have our own song. Maybe it is up to us to write our own lyrics.
I guess music express words we can not say. Somtimes we never take the time to listen to what is going on in our own lives. We forget that life is just like music, with the right song to motivate us, we can acomplish anything we want!

So whatever music you love, keep listerning to it and if you have a dream to write music or sing music remmber never to give up. Keep trying. Even if people laugh at you, or tell you you will never make it. 
With the right state of mind anyone can make it their reality! :)